July 17, 1983
Perhaps the most notable revision that occurs in this draft is the shift from "you" to "we" in the poem's opening line. This shifts the initial tone of the poem from one of sympathy to one of fellowship and communion.
Other notable changes include the removal of the food imagery at the beginining of stanza seven, which allows room for the comparison of squash blossoms to white butterflies. Also, the "hundred loud mouths" that remained in the first line of the eighth stanza is replaced by the more defiant image of "a hundred raised fists."